Cirno and the Ice Climbers
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Popo and Nana take a chilling number of nine lessons from Cirno.
1. Chapter 1

Popo and Nana watched as the Touhou ice fairy, Cirno, was flying around, chucking nine small icicles at the walking polar bears in pink shorts hanging around the snowy mountains out in the tundra, with the moon shining brightly on the white snow, the sky being dark and starry, with light snow occurring.

"Cool, it's an ice fairy!" Nana exclaimed as she held her gloved hands together, wiggling her hips in glee. "Ooh I just love them!"

Popo rubbed the back of his head with his right hand as he blinked several times in disbelief. "Wait, you heard about her?"

Nana shook her head as she faced Popo, leaning on her wooden mallet while scoffing. "Uh, yeah, I've seen her around these mountains."

Popo glanced back at the freezing action, to see Cirno getting frozen in an ice block by a couple of beaked, white feathery Topis, who all pointed and laughed at her.

"...she's a bit clumsy." Popo pointed out as he rolled his wood hammer around.

Nana sighed as she lowered her eyes, shrugging. "Well, she's described as an idiot... kind of like you."

"Cool... I mean, hey!" Popo snapped as he pulled out his wooden mallet and smacked Nana with it, flattening her like a pancake.

Suddenly Cirno managed to break free of her icy prison, approaching the Ice Climbers as Popo gulped, with Nana glancing up.

"So... you guys wanna just chill out together?" Cirno stated as she leaned forward.

"...I do have one thing to ask." Popo cleared his throat as he placed his hands on his hips. "...can you fart out snow?"

Cirno farted in response to Popo's question, with snow blowing right out of her butt as Popo clapped his hands together in glee. Nana inflated herself back to normal as she slapped Popo for requesting something so stupid.

 _"All right, let's be honest." Arceus stated as he and several others were all grouped together in a meeting room with several pictures of different Touhou girls plastered around on the light blue walls, with there being some windows that showed it snowing outside during a particularly windy night in a populated city. "Why does this story exist?"_

 _"Because Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus wanted an excuse to do a Touhou fanfic." Dry Bowser dryly pointed out as he had a small television set with him, the skeletal reptile watching a monstrous battle between Godzilla and the Rhedosaurus on a tropical beach somewhere near Japan.  
_

 _"...Does Yoshizilla even actually care about Touhou?" Gruntilda Winkybunion stated as the warty green witch was adjusting her purple scarf while using her black magic to fix up her black_ _ _witchy_ hat.  
_

 _"...I thought he did this just so the Ice Climbers can have another fanfic about them..." Space Ghost commented as he was checking out the various yellow buttons on his_ _power bands._

 _"Well hey, it's not our fault that we're so cute and likeable!" Popo exclaimed as he was bouncing about in his seat.  
_

 _Nana squinted as she was dusting off her pink parka. "Let's not get our mallets frozen in our parkas..."  
_

 _"What did she mean by this?" Peppy Ankylosaurus stated as the yellow dinosaur was munching on his juicy green lettuce.  
_

 _Dr. Hoshi sighed as the purple raptor pulled out a specialized napkin from his white lab coat to clean his light blue glasses. "It means that we're wasting our precious time to be in a story barely anyone will read."  
_

 _"Hey, over a hundred people read this story! I consider that a success!" Petey Piranha mumbled as he was munching away on popcorn that he popped himself from within his red pouch, stacking his mouth with his big green leaves.  
_

 _"In a day and age when everyone can easily access the Internet...?" Silver The Hedgehog stated slowly as he was using his psychic power to complete a complicated puzzle.  
_

 _R.O.B. slowly raised his robot arms up, the Robotic Operation Buddy turning his metallic head to Silver. "You truly don't have any perspective. A fanfic managing to get over a hundred people reading it is good, especially if it's unknown!"  
_

 _"Yeah, even if a famous author like our dude writing this makes a story, it doesn't guarantee that it'll be known! Hell half of his story is obscure!" Waluigi barked out as he was writing down new ingredients to use for his personally crafted tacos.  
_

 _"I like it that way, the stuff no one really knows or cares about is sometimes better in quality..." Nana commented as she stretched her arms.  
_

 _"...what were we discussing about again, anyway?" Arceus asked as he was tuning out briefly due to using his godlike powers to solve unmentionable situations in different realms.  
_

 _"Oh, just a random crossover between Touhou and Ice Climbers." Dr. Hoshi spoke up as he placed his glasses back on his face, folding his hands together.  
_

 _Peppy gulped down the last of his lettuce as he nodded his head. "And it's not even all of Touhou, it's just one friggin' girl."  
_

 _"Yeah, me, and that's the way I like it!" Cirno exclaimed as she then froze everyone up in ice, laughing as she ended up farting, which in turn somehow caused her to freeze up as well.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

"...so, sexy lady, what's the point of this?" Popo asked Cirno as they and Nana were standing over a wooden platform with several floating icy platforms in front of them.

"To jump on these nine platforms floating in front of us!" Cirno exclaimed as she led the way."

"...and then what!?" Nana shouted to Cirno as she and Popo watched the fairy jump nine times across the platforms.

"...I dunno!" Admitted Cirno while turning around as she was on the ninth icy platform, only for it to break as she screamed, flailing her arms about as the other remaining icy platformers broke as well. Popo and Nana blinked as they glanced at each other, shrugging as they jumped after Cirno.

They all broke their bones at the bottom, with it being a solid icy ground. And then the ground cracked, and they ended up in the freezing water, being gobbled up by a blue whale.


End file.
